Friday, October 3, 2014

forever isn't that far away

i was sitting on my bed, feeding Townes, when i glanced at my feet
they are looking rough
toenail polish is hanging on, almost a reverse french manicure look
calluses are present on the ball and heel of each foot
some toenails are too long, some too jagged
and my cuticles are creeping in from every direction
i think dirt is permanently embedded in the calluses
sounds lovely, huh?

i started to think, "when is the last time i had a pedicure?"
it wasn't too long ago (pre-children) that i got a pedicure on a regular occasion
it was pretty routine and i enjoyed going with friends
no big deal to just hop in the car and go to the nail salon
those days are gone and i think that they are FOREVER away in returning
a different season of life

anytime someone has both boys at the same time, i use those few hours to clean the house, work a shift, go grocery shopping, run miscellaneous errands, do homework/study/write a paper, go to or host a bible study, go to a movie or dinner with GT, etc.
it's funny, but i really don't want to waste that time getting a pedicure.
i can think of a lot more productive things to do with those precious hours.

although it seems like FOREVER until my feet are in good repair, all it takes is someone keeping the boys and to just drive to a nail salon, sit in a chair and pay the lady for a pedicure.
then, all of a sudden....i'm getting a pedicure and it really wasn't forever away.

dramatic enough?

in order to preserve any opinions that you might have of me- that i'm not that dramatic or materialistic- let's make an analogy of this pathetic situation.
shall we?

Judson will be 2 this month.
2 whole years 
this morning my brother Josh remarked that it seems like Judson has been here for 5 years or more.
He is a lot of personality.
He has lived a lot of life in 2 years.
He has filled our lives and our hearts in 2 years with 2394802 years of memories, laughs, excitement, dangers and joy.

the first 3 months of his life i was soooo tired and sooo ready for him to not be a newborn. 
i was ready for him to interact and sleep. 
mostly sleep.
i was tired of trying to get him to sleep and get him to nurse and get him to wake up and get him to not cry and do something interesting.
then he did.
he slept, he smiled, he played, he crawled, he laughed, he ate, he walked, he ran
and all of a sudden, that feeling like the morning would take FOREVER to get here when he was awake at 2am ended. and it was morning. and forever wasn't so far away.

sometimes forever is the next morning
sometimes forever:
is the end of car ride with a screaming baby
is when you will graduate and it's been a really tough semester
is when you'll feel well and you're battling an illness
is your wedding date when you have a 10 month long engagement
is the arrival of a long-distance friend or relative
is when your husband gets home from work and all the kids have had a rough day
is the end of a 12 hour shift and you haven't gone to the bathroom all day
is when you need to be somewhere else in an hour and you are at the DMV
is when you'll get the call or email about a job after an interview
is when the baby is due and you're 36 weeks pregnant
is when you think your house will be clean again

when you're waiting for something, forever is typically when it will arrive.
or so you think
it's all relative. forever means something different to everyone in each situation.
but, the thing is-
forever always gets here
it does

it really won't be forever until i get another pedicure
i could probably go get one this afternoon, if i so wanted.
and my house could be clean today. i just need to start cleaning (and close the laptop!) and hope that the boys sleep long enough.

my boys won't be babies forever
it seems like i am literally watching them grow daily.

waiting for something that is (seems) forever away is really tough.
but just remember, it isn't that far away.
because when it finally arrives- it will be over with.

on that chipper note...
Happy Friday!

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