born to serve

as a child, my signature answer to the question "what do you want to be when you grow up?" was always "a pediatrician" or "a veterinarian".

the answer probably had more to do with the long names that made me sound cool and were fun to say than with my actual desire to care for children or animals.

throughout high school, i thought that i wanted to be a surgeon or a first assistant because i loved my anatomy and physiology class and dissecting cats (i know). 

my senior year, i decided that i wanted to be an art therapist because i discovered my love for art and wanted to help kids who were going through a tough time.

then my Pa got sick. 

The beginning of my freshman year of college. 

We spent many days and nights beside his bed in the ICU.

 I watched his nurses.
I studied them.
I liked what they were doing. taking such good care of my Pa.

using their hands, their minds, their hearts. 

One night, his nurse told us that he was once an art therapist. He switched gears and became a nurse when job opportunities were limited and not guaranteed.

i changed my major.

Katelyn Kirby BSN RN

and never had one regret (ok, maybe a few during the process...nursing school is a pill. pun intended).

i was born to be a nurse

to serve in that capacity.

truly, i feel that i was born to serve. 

i like to help others and be used in that way.

it doesn't feel like a sacrifice to help those who are in need....

....

....

until

 Kings Playground.

the 2 and 3 year old chaos room at church.

when your child is old enough to be in that room during church, you are highly encouraged to volunteer as a child wrangler for one month. 

meaning, you corral the 2 and 3 year olds and keep them from killing themselves and each other while their parents listen to the sermon.

Judson turned 2 in October.

and to say that i was dreading my turn in Kings Dungeon would not be dramatic.

i was asked to "serve" for the month of December.

"but, i have a nursing baby"

"Judson just turned 2"

"we might be out of town"

x.x.and x. excuses. i was looking for my out.

my name was on the list.

so, here we are. January 2015.

i survived.

they survived.

(fewer than usual kiddos)

as we neared the end of the month, my fellow mom-volunteer for the month, Darcy, said, "it's been great to serve with you"

ummm....yeah. that's what i was going to say. 

it actual wasn't that bad and i got to meet some kids and parents that i would not have otherwise

i also gained a new perspective. 

much more gratitude is shown towards workers and teachers

we will help clean up a bit more

we will be using more hand sanitizer

i also learned that my child pushes another child on occasion.

that was humbling.

it was also humbling to realize serving in a capacity that is natural or comfortable for me, might not be what serving is all about.
selfless-serving, that is.
 it's just as important to serve in areas that aren't comfortable.
and what's comfortable for me, probably isn't for you. and vice versa.
you may love teaching 2 and 3 year olds. no thanks
i love helping sick people. you might avoid a hospital at all costs.
just because i don't like it. doesn't give me the excuse to ignore it.

i love to serve.

as long as it was on my terms.

it's easy to serve as long as i enjoy it

as long as it doesn't seem too inconvenient or uncomfortable or chaotic.
is there such a thing as selfish serving? because i think that's what i'm all about.
apparently, it took a few hours in a 2 & 3 year old playground to realize this.

overall, i'd call the month of Kings Playground a win.
just don't sign me up anytime soon.
unless you need me.
i'm happy to serve.

seriously, i am.