Saturday, January 24, 2015

me time

there are a lot of people who place a lot of value on "me time" 
i'm still not sure how i fell about such designated time.

i had no idea what i was signing up for when we found out that we were going to be parents.
i thought i did. 

i really had no idea what it would require.
emotionally and physically.
it requires everything you got.
all of you.
all day.
all night.
no breaks.

i thought i knew this.

so, yes, i do agree that some designated time away from the kids, the house, responsibilities is rejuvinating. 
it does provides the opportunity to step back and assess just how beautiful life is. 
it can give a fresh perspective
one that is needed. daily. and sometimes hourly

GT was gone all week, so it was me and the boys.
this was the first year, of the 5 years GT has worked for Duck/Buck Commander, that I have not gone to SHOT show in Las Vegas with him.
to say that i was sad to miss would be quite an understatement.
i look forward to the food, being with friends and spending that time with GT all year long.
but mostly, the food. and time with GT.
so, maybe eating good food with GT. yeah, that's it!
but, it just didn't work out this year. 
perhaps that had something to do with me being unable to leave the 6 month old for more than a few hours. 

we're incredibly ready for GT to be home and to bid a big ole adieu to hunting and trade show season.
we welcome "Dabidy" home with huge, stay-home-for-a-while arms!

the week went by quickly, surprisingly.
our days and nights were full
and i still feel rejuvenated and love my kids!
even though i am currently over-obessively thinking about Townes "schedule".
should he nurse 4 or 5 times a day? should we be on a 3 or 4 hour schedule?
why is he waking up at 530am after he has been sleeping 12 hours at night for months?
today, i have decided to toss out the schedules and feed him when he's hungry and put him to bed when he's tired. 
brilliant idea!
innovative, i'm sure.
moving on...

"me time"
yes, yes... that's where i was going.
i just don't remember my mom, my aunts or my grandmothers ever declaring that she needed some "me time".
perhaps they did devote some time away just for them, but there was no declaration of intent to focus on themselves.
what i do remember is them putting their family before themselves
working hard from sun-up and well past sun-down.
never tiring, but always assuring that we were well taken care of, well loved and in a clean, functioning home. 

I understand the importance of caring for yourself
and establishing some self-worth
many believe that this needs to be established outside of the duties of wife, mother and home-maker
so, "me time" is necessary in order to maintain who you are and your own idea of self-worth

She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast
    for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
    then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
    rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
    is in no hurry to call it quits for the day...
...She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
    and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
    her husband joins in with words of praise:

“Many women have done wonderful things,
    but you’ve outclassed them all!”
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
    The woman to be admired and praised
    is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
-Proverbs 31 the Message

i am a desperate far cry from the woman described in Proverbs 31, but i like her.
i would like to be like her.
to find my worth in my work. the work of caring for my home and my family
in serving my God.

i do not want my children and my husband to walk on egg-shells around me because i am in dire need of some time to myself, away from them. 
to re-charge when i'm away from my home.
our home should be the central re-charging station...for every single one of us.

this is not where i intended for this post to lead.
but, i started reaching Proverbs 31 and couldn't leave it alone.

all i wanted to write about was the fact that i read a book this week.
a leisure read. and it was good for my attitude and my soul.
(yes, that's a horse head on the table)

with GT being gone and Judson having a nasty cold that made him the opposite of not-needy (i can't blame him, i'm incredibly needy when i have a cold) and kept us house-bound, i was hurting for some kind of outlet.
so, i left social media alone yesterday (the worst time-killer that i know) and read a book all day long-
while Townes nursed, while Judson watched shows (i told you he didn't feel good), while they napped and after they went to bed. 
a whole book in 2 days.
today, i cleaned up the mess that we made over the last two days.

some would say, "good for you!" 
taking time for yourself is rewarded and praised.
but, should it be? 
should we negate the responsibilities we have in our homes to focus on ourselves?

i'm not saying we shouldn't read.
reading is such a good thing. it's a wonderful thing!
it just got me thinking about how we romanticize and place so much value on taking extra or special time to ourselves, when as mothers, that is the complete opposite of what our role entails and requires. 

and there is worth, praise and joy to be found as a mom, as a wife and as a woman....
in doing what God created us to do!

but, i'm down for a pedicure if anybody wants to go...sans kids (smily emoticon)

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