Friday, January 9, 2015

restless: a journal entry

the other day
a sunny day (remember those?)
Judson was playing in the front yard
i ran inside to check on Townes, who was napping
when i came back outside, i didn't see Judson
so i hollered for him, no response
i walked around the corner of the house to see a little cowboy hat perched on top of the head of a very content little guy
he was just sitting on a hay bale, under a tree by his dad's trailer
probably thinking about how to rule the world by way of side-smiles and quirky toddler dance moves. 

it has been overcast and freezing cold the last few days
it's basically arctic over here.
we haven't left the house
well, i did leave for a few hours for a research meeting about my thesis (only exciting things, of course)
and GT's out of town 

we aren't really going stir-crazy, per se
Judson does well at being content and happy playing just about anywhere
sure, he has an incredible amount of energy, but we don't necessarily HAVE to get out of the house for him to behave
he does need to learn how to behave in any situation, right?
but, there is definitely some behavior modification that goes along with keeping a 2-year old indoors for multiple days in a row. you know what i mean
my own behavior needs some modification at this point


i've noticed a bit of restlessness in myself lately
most likely it's related to our hibernation status
but, i also feel a bit of it in my soul
sure, i have plenty going on to occupy my time: baby and toddler raising, research work for grad school, house-hold duties, friends, family. 
there really aren't enough hours in the day, right?
but, i still feel like i'm not doing enough
or maybe not doing something specifically
people are hurting, people are in need
so, i'm praying that God will take off my blinders to what He needs me to do for those around me

i'm restless because i feel that raising my children to love God and love others, loving my husband and caring for our home is what i should be doing and that should be satisfying enough.
and it is incredibly satisfying
there is actually nothing else i would rather be doing with my days

but, i can not keep quiet this restlessness for something more
something less of "us" and more of "them"
does this make sense?
i sure would love some input

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