Friday, June 21, 2013

my thorn and marriage

{editors note: this has been in "draft" mode for about 6 months.
it's not so easy to share some personal stuff and think people care...ya know? oh goes}
  the other night at house church, we shared our thorns-metaphorically speaking- that got in the way of truly falling in love with Jesus.
we all chose one, wrote it down on a piece of paper then proceeded to share it with our group in a few sentences. then we wadded them up, threw them in a pile and tossed 'em in the trash.
cheesy as the analogy is...we all know it's what needs to happen to have an unhindered relationship with our Savior.

I wrote down the word PRIDE.
i am not very good at taking criticism or advice for that matter. It takes a lot for me to admit my errors (mostly to my husband) and it takes a good bit to change my mind.
i'm stubborn and stick to my guns when they shouldn't be stuck to.
that's the gist of what i said.

one of my cousins is in our group and when we all went into the kitchen to eat he said, "sweet katey's not proud or stubborn". ha!
i said, well "GT can attest to it. i never knew how proud i was until i got married".
he then stated how sad it was that it took marriage to find those things out about ourselves.
true statement.

why is it that we show our worst side to the person that we CHOSE to be with forever?
before i got married, i remember saying that i could be a good wife to anyone. ha!
i honestly thought i was easy going and could figure out how to get along with anyone and make them happy.
jokes on me...again.

turns out i'm not always easy to get a long with and my goal is not always to make my spouse happy. what?!?!
i am undeniably human- and a woman, at that.
i read this article the other day and it really hit home for me: 3 things i wish i knew when we got married

I share this sentiment of Ward's
"Marriage is great—but it rocked everything I knew. I quickly realized my basic goal in life, prior to getting married, was to simply remain undisturbed."

I  truly had no idea how selfish, independent, introverted (surprise to me) and proud i was until we got married.
in a few short sentences, here is what i belive: 
it takes giving yourself completely to someone to realize who you really are and then you have someone to help you become who you need to be.

it is not the time to give in to our (newly realized) fleshly nature, but to embrace the sanctity of marriage and allow it mold you into woman or man of God you were called to be

this makes marriage hard. not only because you are learning to live with someone else, but because you are changing who you are to bring holiness to the marriage.

marriage makes you realize you have certain characteristics that you did not realize you had as a single person. this does not give you the excuse to entertain these and act upon them.
we are not called to live by our flesh.

it is tempting.....oooooh so tempting to give in. it feels good to be right. but not for long.
praise God that HE knew what I needed in a mate
GT is so forgiving and humbles himself often
he is the only man for me (probably because he is the ONLY man that would tolerate-and love- my ridiculousness)
so, yeah...marriage is great!...but it is also hard work.
constant work
constant awareness of your actions and how they benefit or hurt your partner
if you ignore will slap you in the face
if you nurture will bless you and your spouse
we are still relatively new to this whole marriage gig and are sure to learn a whole heaping lot more.
but, we are so thankful for the grace of God
so so thankful
and i am forever grateful for a patient and forgiving husband
i never knew i would need so much grace and forgiveness
PRIDE, it is ever looming to drag me into darkness
GRACE, is ever present to keep us in the light


Aly Taylor said... so good. Always love reading:)

kristen said...

This is so beautiful. I absolutely agree. I always thought I was so laid back and Put everyone first. Hahah! I quickly realized it did it mostly for myself and to make myself feel good and when it doesn't feel good, it's a lot harder. Marriage is def a place that is very hard and rewarding for me. I'm thankful for reminders like this to press into Him and His will and that it's not about my "happiness" or how well we "fit together" and it's just about glorifying God. Thanks for this great post! (I love a personal post! They are always the best!)

Rebecca Gibbs @ gibbgabb said...

Thanks for sharing this, Katelyn! It stinks that we all have those things that trip us up... thank goodness his grace is sufficient!

emily said...

Beautiful, thought provoking post!

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Anonymous said...

You are wise beyond your years. So much wiser about this whole marriage thing than I was at your age!! We are so blessed and grateful that Our HeavenlyvFather chose such a Godly wife for our beloved son. You are an inspiration to me, and I love you.

Sara said...

Thank you so much for sharing your thorn and thoughts. Excellent blog and wholly relatable. Also, love the article you linked. Thank you again.